SciAm: Why We Choose Ill-Matched Romantic Partners (And How to Stop).

There was the guy who did his business with the bathroom door open. Or the girl who would lick utensils clean and put them back in the drawer.

There are so many subtle pressures over relationships. Speaking from my own history, I had the best relationships when I was not coming at them from a place of 'need'. I feel the modern concept of 'soul mates' is ultimately destructive. As if one can put everything on autopilot and just sail along. A good relationship requires constant tending. Rilke has a line about each partner 'protecting the individuality of the other', which appeals to me as a loner ... yet I find a really good philosophy in the concept of there being *three* actual personas in a relationship: "There's a 'me', there's a 'you', and there's a 'we'. If the 'we' is not healthy, is not nurtured, there is no relationship.

There is a lifetime of challenge and opportunity in that, "maintaining the 'we'."